You have a Father Wound if :
- You are unable to turn to your father for support.
- It’s not safe to be vulnerable around him.
- You have to constantly try to prove your innocence.
- He gets angry or possessive around your independence.
- He lacks interest in your life and is not present.
- You have to act as a parent to your father.
- You have to excessively try to earn your worth.
- He is highly critical and compares you to others.
- He refuses to repair your relationship after conflict.
- There is a desire to be seen as strong and never weak.
- You feel lonely in his presence.
The father wound is created when unresolved emotional wounds, pain and trauma are unintentionally passed down to his child. The father wound shows up differently in men and woman.
When a man or woman doesn’t heal before he has children, he/she will pass on their own beliefs about themselves. Their shame and low self-worth will be projected onto their children who will internalise the same beliefs about themselves. So we unconsciously start to blame ourselves for how they feel instead. Many of us believe that a father wound comes from abandonment, and it can. But the father wound can come from a physically present father as well, emotional abandonment creates the same wounds.
Manifestation of the father wound :
- Seeking relationships with partners who have the same qualities as your father.
- Distrust / Rage / Anger
- Issues with authority mistrust, resentment.
- Body image issues.
- Unconsciously seeking out his approval.
- A feeling of being lost with no direction.
- Performing or achieving in order to be loved.
- A pervasive sense of shame.
- Being highly reactive to criticism.
Reparenting and giving yourself what you needed as a child is paramount. Begin to speak to yourself as a father you wish you had, acknowledge the pain, monitor your inner dialogue when it speeds up around your wounds. Our parents are human beings that carry their own wounds.