Happy Father’s Day

Every little girl wants to be adored by her father. We all desire to be loved and supported by the two most important people in life, our parents. For me, I wish I knew what it felt like to be a daddy’s girl. Unfortunately, when I look back at the father-daughter relationship we had, it was far from normal. My dad was the first man to break my heart and continued to do so till he died. He emotionally and physically abandoned me when I was a child. We have met a couple of times over the years and towards his end, he wanted to reconcile but I was numb with trauma and resentment. I did attend his funeral but it felt I was a mere stranger for I didn’t know him. Eventually, the burden of bitterness and resentment has receded. I have forgiven him because I didn’t want to be living with toxicity and I wanted to heal. In my healing, I have learned there are good men out there who love their children with the purest intentions and give love unconditionally. To those men, I thank you for showing women like me good fathers exist.
Father’s Day is for you.

Couple of years back had written this poem when he was alive, it feels harsh now knowing he suffered immensely before he could pass away.

In a blink of an eye
You turned your back and walked away
If I could put the pain into words
I would tell you
I miss you daddy
I don’t hate you
I don’t love you
I have nothing to say to you
It’s hard daddy since you left me
I hold my head high
But deep down all I want is to be your little girl
Daddy I will show you all my scars
Daddy I will reach down my throat and show you my bleeding heart
Daddy you gave me the greatest gift ever
You were the first boy to break my heart
I didn’t cry for you
You weren’t here in my present
Just like you weren't there in my past
All I asked from you Daddy 
Is a little love and respect
Someday you will cry for me daddy
Just the way I have cried for you
Someday you will miss me daddy
Just the way I have missed you
Someday you will need me daddy
Just the way I still need you
Someday you will love me daddy
Just the way I still love you

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